The Alien Office

 

              “So now Andy this is the place where you will be working. I what you to ask Glarg if you have any issues. He`s the expert on the pencil sharpener over there.” My manager said as he gestured to the same kind of wall mounted pencil sharpener we had when I was in elementary school. I look around at the people working here and while I thought it was super progressive, what with the pink, green, yellow, red, orange, and purple hair all of these workers seem to just be pushing pencils across the desk. I know they referred to us as pencil pushers but I expected the government to have better work than this.

            “This is my desk?” I ask as a point to the massive monster sitting in front of me. I`ve never had something so big as my work station in my life. It`s as if I`m expected to sleep on it. The computer sitting there looks like it was made in the 80`s. I can`t believe I`m expected to create SEO on this thing. “Will that antique connect to the internet?” I say pointing to it.

            “Internet? What`s that? No matter just get started with your work. I can`t wait to see what kind of things you`ll create for us.” The manager pats the chair and has me sit down. I plop into the hard piece of wood and wince at the pressure it exerts on my back. Haven`t they ever heard of cushions? I suppose I could bring some from home and use it to make this thing usable. Facing the computer I turn on the power button. Luckily my father had this kind of antique when I was a kid. I used to play some games on it before getting a play-station. From there I never looked back. While waiting for the thing to warm up; his had the same issue, I look around the office. The cubicles are high. I was expecting an open plan like the one Musk was promoting, but then he`s sort of on the outs now. I have to strain my neck to look over the walls. I guess they value their privacy here.

            Turning back to the computer I let out a sigh. The thing still hasn`t moved passed the loading page. Why is such an open company using this kind of hardware? Maybe they are a secret government agency and they need the lack of connection to prevent hacking? That would explain the machines…but not the job description. They hired me to be a Search Engine Optimizer but they don`t even have a good internet connection. I thought something was hinky about the website when I applied. The money was too good though so I had to try.

            This is taking too long. I pull out my phone from my pocket and start checking out the website. I didn`t do it before by this time I should check out the code. When I start surfing the web I hear a breathing coming from over the wall. It`s as if something is watching me. I look up but there is nothing there. To my right though that`s a different story. Over the wall of the cubicle there is a pair of fingers and eyes staring at me. Well, that it to say my hands. I lift my phone up and his eyes follow. I go side to side and he follows. What the hell is his problem.

            “Can I help you?” I have to ask. If he is an important person then I should be careful, but it`s my first day. Maybe I don`t know some of the etiquette.

            He points at the phone. “What is that thing? How`d you get a scanner in here? They only allow earth tech past the doors. Can I see it? Man I miss the news. I haven`t kept up with Flurg since before the last manager.” He doesn`t introduce himself nor even ask for my name.

            What the hell does he mean by Flurg? “This is my phone, and what do you mean by Earth tech? This was made in China.” I wave the Android device at him. He reaches out to take it and I swear his fingers uncurl, ass if they were too long for his hand. Still no judgment. This is the new world we live in, where you can be anything and anybody you want. If you don`t like it you can change it. Maybe I should get to know him. It couldn`t hurt. “ So where are you from?”

            “I took a left at the Sagittarius galaxy and arrived here about three years ago. I miss my pod mates but this planet is nice, and the dominate species is interesting. My name is Flako.” At least he introduced himself. He is still staring at my phone. I hope he doesn`t drop it. “How about you?”

            “Me? I`m Akira, from Osaka. I moved to this city for this job a few weeks ago. They were really aggressive in hiring me. I tried to find out what you make but it`s all quite vague.” I place my chin in my hands. Maybe now I can get some answers.

            “Osaka? Never heard of it. It must be really far away then. How long did it take you to get here?” He`s still turning the phone around and around in his hands. It`s as if this is his first time seeing a smartphone.

            “About two hours.” That`s it. I want my phone back. At that moment the ringer goes off. Somebody is calling me. Flako eyebrows shoot up and he toses my phone in the air. Getting under it I catch it before anything bad can happen. Thank god. This is a brand new phone. Pushing the answer button I can now ignore this weird guy.

            “Hello? Oh hi mom. Yeah I`ve started my new job but things are a little weird here. What do I mean? Well the computer is over thirty years old and they are actually pushing pencils across a desk. I don`t know why they needed a SEO writer. If only the money wasn`t so good.” I walk away into the break room talking to her. I`m going to start looking for a new job soon and I don`t want any of them to see me. I`m going to miss the money though.

            “What do you think of the new guy Flako?” said Glarg around the reinforced water cooler. “He`s giving me the williies. There`s something about him I just can`t put my finger on.”

“I think he`s an actual human Glarg. The management finally came through.” Said Flako as he lapped up his acid.

“That`s great. About time they finally got something right. Do you think he`ll let us follow him around? I still have a report to write on the mating habits of these creatures and I`m six pip`s overdue.” Glarg threw back the acid and puffed out his neck as it went down.

“Maybe, but remember he can`t know we`re all aliens here to study his culture.”

“Don`t worry I can be discrete. Here comes now. Act normal.” Glarg started scratching his head with his foot. As a Biop they were known as the most flexible species in the galaxy. He was really looking forward to some firsthand examples of mating. His main research up to now wasn`t cutting it. There was only so much you could learn from two stuffed mice. Maybe if he put them on a diet they wouldn`t be so full. 

Akira just stared at them. He had a long way to go till he found a new job.